"You don't know what I have planned for you"

I woke up today feeling blessed, thankful and that our future is bright. I also feel the Holy Ghost reminded me of a beautiful experience.

While I was pregnant with Georgia, I began to feel she would be our last baby. Or at least, my last pregnancy. (Though we've always had a heart for adoption the emotional door is still open to maybe adopt a child or two, but who knows.) But i told myself, "You're pregnant. Don't trust your emotions." The few weeks after Georgia was born I continued to feel we we're done having children. But I still didn't trust my feelings. I had a lot of back trouble with all of my pregnancies, but the worst was with Georgia. I spent a large portion of my pregnancy laying in bed or on the couch. I'd get up to make simple meals (like hot dogs or mac-n-cheese) or drive the kids to school, then i go lay back down. This happened for MONTHS. 2 of those weeks my back was in such bad shape, I basically didn't get out of bed at all. It was a difficult time physically and emotionally. Thankful, I learned to rely on my Savior on a new level during that period of time. He became more real. But I was afraid to trust my emotions in regard to having another baby. I thought that perhaps because of the difficulty of the pregnancy, I was scared to have more children. And I didn't want being scared to keep me from doing what the Lord wanted me to do. I didn't want to be my own stumbling block.

After about 3 months of struggling with myself, I decided enough was enough! I was going to pray about it once and for all and get a real answer. A final answer. Not because the Lord haven't given me an answer, but because I didn't trust the answer that he gave me. I was worried that I was only hearing what I wanted to hear, not what the Lord was trying to tell me. So one night i prayed. And cried. And prayed. And cried. And after I surrendered all I had to surrender and I was in a moment of quiet, I had peaceful, loving feeling sweep over me and the words "I already gave you an answer" came to my mind. Then I began apologizing for not listening and I told the Lord how much we (our family/Deland and I) want to do his will. I told Him I was a little frightened because I'd heard of women experiencing a mini crisis after they were done having children. I wasn't sure what his plan was for me after I was done having babies. Sure sure, my kids will be a little for a few more years but within five years of that time all of my children would be in school. What was I supposed to do then?

And yes, I do recognize that it sort of silly to be worrying about something that wasn't going to happen for a few more years. But this is the first time I've been in this situation. I wasn't sure what to think, or what to do next! Then I felt the calming, loving spirit of the Holy Ghost again. And the words came into my mind, "You don't know what I have planned for you." And I had the distinct impression that I needed to be patient and trust God and that he would make my life more wonderful, beautiful and amazing than I could ever dream for myself. And then I cried some more, but this time out of gratitude and happiness because I knew my life is secure as long as I stay beside my Heavenly Father. I know he watches out for us and I know he has big plans for us. Bigger plans that I could ever dream for myself. And I've got a pretty active imagination, so that's saying something! 😃

Last well, i came across this beautiful testimony from one our my interior design hero's, Joanna Gaines. https://youtu.be/t7iPEDnqwm0

Her experience was so similar to mine, and brought me back to that joyful with peace and happiness that I felt as the Lord told me about his big plans for our family. It's so wonderful to watch the Lord's hand in the Gaines family. It reminded me of the beautiful joy that my family has to look forward to as well.

This month, our business has broken every record we ever had. We made more money this month than we have in any month in the nine and a half years that we've owned our own business!

So this morning i feel blessed, thankful and that our future is bright. I'm so excited to see what the Lord has in store for us! I know it's the best kind of big, because it comes from Him. ❤